im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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