At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
