everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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