is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
