It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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