we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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