do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
