we made out on top of his cat.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The Olympian is in my bed
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
