I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
