im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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