i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
