He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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