I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
