I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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