Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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