Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
