His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
