he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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