So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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