Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
