dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just puked most of my soul out..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
