I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
