I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
