All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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