Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
