Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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