So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
there is glitter all over my balls
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