...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
