check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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