Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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