Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
