the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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