I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
