Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There r osticjed everywhere
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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