lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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