I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
