i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
