you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
