Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
