I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize