I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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