I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
