If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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