We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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