Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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