He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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