It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
