god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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