A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
now i know why i became what i already was.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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