stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
