this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
