I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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