those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
