The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
