Did you just see the Batmobile???
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
