How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
