For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
