Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
