so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
