I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
