I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Randomize