Even the bartender felt bad for me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
