If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
