Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
