So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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