So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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