You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
