I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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