Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize