someone get that fucking seahorse.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
