Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
