at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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