So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
