i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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