my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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