Fine. I'll sleep in my office
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
