When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize