Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
