Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Randomize
