If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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