No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
