So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
